I went to the grocery store Sunday. I took a deep breath and popped on some gloves before exiting my car. At the entrance, the produce was made to look, and was, plentiful, though they were out of some “basics” on my usual list, such as yellow onions and potatoes. Still, there was a lot. Then in the bread aisle, maybe a couple dozen loaves of bread where normally thousands are stacked; in the pasta aisle, a few boxes of the gluten-free stuff, otherwise empty. No toilet paper, disinfectant, paper towels. Women wearing masks and stockpiling beans, clerks insisting they vape when a cough creeps out. I bought way more than normal, enough for two weeks, even as I put extra milk and sundries back on the shelves. “I believe there will be plenty of milk next week, too,” I said aloud to myself, like a totally sane person.
There was still ice cream.
As I saw the final price blurt itself across the screen, I felt my stomach tense. I felt grateful I could afford it and also embarrassed and worried I’d spent so much. I don’t think I fully hoarded, but the impulse was there, and I did buy batteries and lightbulbs and matches and dishwasher detergent and things I usually would wait to get until we were out at home. I’ll be honest: I felt scared, on edge, judgmental. My body felt tense.
I like to think of myself as brave. Lately, I’ve been feeling scared. But without fear, there is no courage. I think, in a time when great emphasis is on scarcity, courage may look a lot like generosity.
In that spirit, I’d like to share (or re-share) my favorite mantra a yoga teacher shared a few years ago:
I am enough.
I have enough.
I do enough.
I’d also like to share a gratitude journal prompt you can use. I shared this last week with the writers and artists who are taking part in this year’s Artist’s Devotional, but thought it might be helpful. I’m journaling for a couple minutes daily and finding it helpful.
Gratitude is the antidote to so much of life’s negativity, including foreboding and anxiety. I don’t mean this in a woo-woo or religious way (though those people would likely back me up). There’s a plethora of data to support it. And, as my friend Jeanette recently reminded me—you don’t even have to feel particularly grateful, you just have to write or say it.
Gratitude Journaling Prompt
Right now I am grateful for …
Right now, I can give myself …
Right now, I can give others …
Relationships—with each other, with our health, with our work, with our Earth, and yes, with our writing and ourselves—are among the most valuable things we have but don’t own. Not all the things that sustain us can be thrown in metal carts, then U-Hauls, hoarded, and price gouged. It’s like all the Christmas movies say: we already have, and are, what we need, if we take the time to notice.
For more free resources to get through sheltering in place, social distancing, and this weird time, click here.
